Teach your child that no matter what goes on around him, he’s ultimately responsible for his own choices. Remember that adversity often leads to growth and development. I need to wash my hair. And if for some reason they didn't, all the claims and the protestations and the excuses wouldn't make any difference.” ~ John Engler, “Some of my high school teachers did remind me that I had an excellent imagination when it came to making up excuses.” ~ David E. Kelley, “Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.” ~ Addison Mizner, “As soon as I step on the court I just try to play tennis and don't find excuses. When he says things like, “I wouldn’t have hit her if she didn’t make me mad,” gently remind him that no one made him do anything and that he chooses how he behaves. Then a series of "wake up calls" arrived. My MIL lies when it is totally unnecessary. You just have to step back and see them rather than standing with your nose against the damn thing yelling in frustration! I cannot count the nights looking for suggestions and activities in order to help my child. All children are bound to develop excuses for their behavior at one time or another. Instead, he can ask for help, tell her to stop or leave the situation. Why he’s late picking up the kids. Meanwhile, telling the teacher his dog ate his homework is an excuse. For everything else, use your discretion. My 10yo loves sugar, and when he gets too much in one day, or somehow gets artificial colorings from something he ate, he goes crazy. It’s helpful for your followers to see that you aren’t some super human who is immune to dark moments or set backs. That means we can all be there, too, regardless of what ‘excuses’ we put on ourselves. Thank you for this reminder! Actor, Jamie Foxx, grew up in Terrell, Texas, where he experienced racial discrimination as a black child growing up in a segregated community. Lamenting how often her guy used ADHD as an excuse. Game on! It is interesting to see how our subconscious mind comes up with an excuse every time, and it is not ready to take responsibility. Is my child slow? hi im a 14 year old girl borrowing my moms computer to find this website pulled up on the browser with a search stating ” how to help my very forgetful child” i was almost heartbroken to find this because ever sense i was young i have had very and i mean very bad problems with my memory. I’m sick of her crap.” When you try to hold kids accountable, they will often use excuses to deflect your attempts to make them take responsibility for their actions. And the first one, of course, is to write – every day, no excuses. ~ Bo Bennett, “Several excuses are always less convincing than one.” ~ Aldous Huxley, “If you really want to do it, you do it. It is the strangest thing. In that case, after talking with them about their worries, your child needs to be taken to school. They will play dumb at times. Sometimes we all have to play a little hurt! Sometimes kids (as well as many adults) have difficulty recognizing the difference. After all, autism really does affect children in extremely serious ways. You want to teach your children to pursue everything they want to do, even if they have some reservations or a fear of failing. I’ve got to shop — Our pantry’s bare. Child: “It’s her fault that I call her names—she’s always bugging me and taking my stuff. The "you just parent" lesson is one that has stuck with me too. ODD plus Depression/Anxiety is the other common combination with ODD. When kids view mistakes as a way to help them learn, they’re less likely to try and cover up their mistakes or blame other people. If you miss several classes, then you may need to obtain a note from your doctor in order to receive an excused absence. An explanation accepts personal responsibility while an excuse tends to blame other people. My child has been sent home from school after becoming sick following possible exposure to coronavirus. Big D – sorry for the issues. The kids are still awake. An explanation is meant to help others understand the situation while an excuse is usually meant to justify a mistake. No excuses. And parents are often swamped by ignorant people accusing them of labelling their children to excuse their bad behaviour (which is a disgusting […] The America I know doesn't make excuses.” ~ Mia Love, “Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. Joi, I know what that can be like. Thatcher and Bailis determined that there are three kinds of excuses: Prescription Identity (PI) where an individual wasn’t bothered about doing a task in the first place. I was getting comfortable with using my excuses as a reason to “not train” when I know perfectly well I can change my workouts to accommodate my injury. The Whole Life Fitness Manifesto 28-Day Challenge. I am printing it off and hanging it up in my office to act as a reminder when I am about to find a reason, aka an excuse, to put off a piece of work that needs doing, but seems to end up on the back burner! There isn't any thing EVER that she doesn't 'embellish,' 'stretch,' or outright 'fabricate.' I am the only one in control, right? Do you ever find you have excuses like this in your life? This exercise will help! As a psychologist working with children and teens for over 30 years, I have counseled many troubled, overly dependent adult children. I didn’t expect to be asked this question as often as I have been. But everything you have mentioned sounds to me like a normal child. It’s okay to send your child to school even if they are not feeling 100%. While it was a dirty skirt on one day, it was a fake cough on another. I just went out and stunk it up tonight.” ~ David Wells, “I'm not making any excuses. Some folks have an excuse for everything, and they are always pointing the finger and blaming others for all of the disappointment in their lives. I just look at obstacles as opportunities… you are right, all walls do have doors… or limited height (so a quick muscle up or high jump and voila! Avoid arguing with your child when he insists something isn’t your fault. I didn’t deserve her, because I was being selfish, and taking everyone in my life for granted. From the ages of 9 to 14, Dai was morbidly obese. Hearing, “using ADHD as an excuse”, grabbed my attention. Point out their excuse and remind them of their personal responsibility. It’s easy for people to make the excuse when comparing themselves to you that you’re somehow immune to the doubts that might plague them. There are just too many things getting in my way. Thank you so much for this information!!! If your child says things like, “I had to hit her because she kicked me first,” or “It’s not my fault I forgot my homework. Recognize them for what they are and move on… don't be a victim!”, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” ~ Benjamin Franklin, “People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.”  ~ J. Michael Straczynski, “The real man is one who always finds excuses for others, but never excuses himself.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher, “Excuses change nothing, but make everyone feel better.” ~ Mason Cooley, “Leadership; leadership is about taking responsibility, not making excuses.” ~ Mitt Romney, “Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”  ~ George Washington Carver, “Bad excuses are worse than none.” ~ Thomas Fuller, “It is wise to direct your anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.” ~ William Arthur Ward, “I do not believe in excuses. 11 Signs and what you can do about it 1. Do it.” ~ Melvyn Douglas, “I'm not going to make any excuses. Encourage your child to point out explanations and excuses when you're watching a movie or reading a book. Over the past few months, I've battled my fair share of personal excuses as it relates to training and injuries. Learn how your comment data is processed. During this period, parental figures become fundamental pillars in order to prevent uncomfortable and unpleasant situations for the family and, above all, for the child. It’s a tricky one to even ask. he will say: yes, cookie. Good on you for speaking up and sharing your dark moment. Totally unmotivated…. In your anticipation of excuses from others, remember the naivety one has surrounding not succumbing to excuses if they’ve never forced themselves past them. Parents and teachers may find them difficult to teach. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.” ~ Octavia Butler, “We need to hear the excuses men make to themselves for their worthlessness.” ~ Margaret Fuller, “It happens to the best of them. As someone who has a history of going through some annual injury and surgery stopping my progress, I’ve learned there are ways to keep it all going regardless. Try these tips for teaching your children to quit making excuses for their behavior. Best thing that ever happened. Thanks brother! Anyway, a woman was discussing her husband’s ADHD with her girlfriend. Show them that making mistakes isn’t bad, but it’s important to learn from those mistakes so they don’t get repeated. His passion comes from overcoming his own experience. But it’s worth the time and effort to help your child see that there is a big difference between blaming others and accepting personal responsibility. We have tried everything and our sons arguing has gotten to the point where it was destroying our family. Sometimes a child may cry and scream, absolutely refusing to go to school. Instead, respond calmly. I am taking it back! Maybe, if your child has a short attention span. But you do, and that’s why you are where you are. Besides, we had sex yesterday — tonight, I need a break. For all the reasons outlined above — which also give me a fair amount of control over my … Stop Being Blamed for Everything by Your Spouse - Jack Ito PhD Teach your child that no matter what goes on around him, … Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Instead, he can ask for help, tell her to stop or leave the situation. But for some kids, chronic excuses can become a real problem. My 37 months son is a late talker who has just started with delayed and immediate echolalia although he has a lot of functional original speech. Vikings would literally “get rid” of clan members that could not contribute like everyone else. Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. Have a great week! But for some kids, chronic excuses can become a real problem. With practice, your child can grow to recognize the difference. Now after 19 years of fear for my children, and worrying about being a good mom and not becoming what my ex was trying to make me become I now have PTSD. (Evidence suggests going back even sooner may be safe.) Running, well, let’s just say post-Spartan Race on the weekend I had a little inflammation that needed to be taken care of. The stage in which a child cries about everything is truly transient. If your child has a new symptom or seems quite sick, you will probably want them to stay home and try to have your child seen by their pediatrician that morning. For example, telling his teacher he was absent because he was legitimately sick is an explanation. Say, "You're in charge of how you behave," or, "It's up to you find ways to solve that problem.". It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.” ~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld, “Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.” ~ Thomas Szasz, “Don't make excuses. In the end, it matters not – the result is still the same. They can also be easily distracted. You inspire me! Excuses, excuses! 13 Steps to Stop Making Excuses So now that you know why you might make excuses and how it can derail your personal success, let's dive into the 13 steps you can use to stop making excuses. They refused, I walked away, apologized to my children, began doing the work to correct my behaviors/perspective, and now live a peaceful life with better-than-ever relationships with my adult children. Best thing is, each day is another opportunity to make a change and get refocused, re-energized, and redirected towards your goals. Below are some interesting quotes on excuses that I've managed to curate from the web. Love Mom, Thanks Mom! Hearing, “using ADHD as an excuse”, grabbed my attention. 21 Hilarious, Rib-tickling Excuses Children Give To Bunk School By Amrita Minocha; Parenting “I have potty on my skirt.” I was 10 when I purposely sat on my breakfast and made an excuse to bunk school. My training has suffered due to this and at times I find that the mental roadblocks I put up are far worse than the injury themselves. Making an excuse distances us from this failure and protects our image. For me, I have to avoid DUs, box jumps and running. It’s important that your child is able to recognize that he has choices in how he responds. The "you just parent" lesson is one that has stuck with me too. From my own life experiences, a child will often test their new parent. At that time, it wasn’t as common to see overweight kids and Dai struggled against the stigma that went along with being an obese child. By ... it is possible to dwell on it and use it as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility. People still have to get up and function in Society in order to feed themselves….i have told my son it is not an excuse. Teach your child the difference between an explanation and an excuse. Son, what a great article!! ... Excuse-making by School Children. 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